2010.05.13 Road One Int'l | 2010 ILMS | GT-Class

**Kinst Vonsterga** · 05-15-2010, 01:17 AM

Tom Cinnamon (Porsche GTC for Uranus Racing) and Drew McLean (Ford GT ILMS) have finally conquered the infamous Road One International!

Built on the massive landfill exports of Quebec, Canada's own Ministry of Land Reclamation has recently converted this mountainous pile of refuse into one of North America's most picturesque tracks in Calgary. Race officials were floored by the results of their mandatory emissions/carbon footprint tests (which were imposed on each racing team). Not one CMS 2010 GT team had a carbon footprint greater than .0000001 which only dumbfounded the zealot-race protesters who feared that any petro-based carbon emission may deform their experimental crop of carrots which were growing at a nearby organic farm.

A Canadian himself, Drew McClean was quoted after the race as saying, "This track is like home to me. The beautiful smells, altitude changes and the fact that my kids can dig a hole anywhere on this track and find treasures o'plenty, eh!". Kris Hudson (2nd: Aston Martin) and Tim Collier (3rd: C6-R GT) celebrated their podium finish by soaking together in a hot tub full of warm maple syrup.

A disappointed Stephen King of Uranus 997 GT commented after the race, "I was flying like an eagle down landfill mound #52 and my right wheel caught a shopping cart handle. Apparently it wasn't fully submerged all the way, sending my GT Porsche straight into the VIP bleachers and killing 4 innocent Canadians. Two days later, I received a hand-signed letter from the Canadian Finance Minister thanking me for making their quarterly tax revenue quota. I guess the estate taxes that were immediately filed against the surviving families were enough to pay for the salaries of all government employees that month, which is about 70% of its provincial population".

The GTC challenge was on, with Tom Cinnamon (1st: Uranus GTC Porsche) claiming that the methane gas coming from the track was burning his sensitive eyes. His team member, Kevin Cinnamon finished 2nd in class but was almost black flagged for not having paid the VAT tax on the ethanol tax that was a surcharge imposed on top of the sales tax that was originally part of the track usage tax that he paid the day before.

The biggest disappointment during yesterday's race was the official complaint filed by Devin O'Brien (3rd: Porsche GTC), claiming that he should have received a 5 second handicap over Kevin Cinnamon due to his ice-fishing injury that he sustained three days prior. Kevin Wood vouched for the injury, "It was my ice-boring machine that snapped in-half, breaking the pinky finger of Devin's right curling hand. Sorry!"

James Sharkus and Russ Standage retired early from the race and were later found in a nearby town, enjoying a pint of Molson and singing koo-koo-koo-kooo-koo-koo-koo-koo. After drinking themselves into a stooper, they later woke up in the magistrate's jail for not having paid their beer tax.